Dragaera

Kushiel's Dart

Lydia Nickerson lydy at demesne.com
Wed Feb 16 10:59:07 PST 2005

At 10:00 AM 2/16/2005 -0800, Jerry Friedman wrote:

>Another complaint I have about her sexuality
>is that it's repetitive.  Silk ropes, whip, X-acto knife, orgasm.
>Many real sadists and masochists have varied fetishes and like to
>act out dramas (which one of Phedre's customers does once, if I
>remember correctly).


You know, most people's sex is repetitive.  Most couples fall into a 
comfortable set of behaviors, and occasionally experiment, but tend to go 
back to the two or three positions and techniques they like 
best.  Moreover, adventuresome in bed isn't remotely necessary for a good 
sex life.  Some people like stability and predictability.  Others, 
demonstrably, not.

Phaedre reacts to pain with sexual pleasure.  Endit.  The drama and variety 
come from her partners, for the most part.  Given that she is largely a 
prostitute, she is passive in the decision-making process for the scene and 
style of love-making.  Pretty much, as long as she's hurt, she's 
happy.  She's got a thing about helplessness, too, which tends to go along 
with being a masochist.  If you're tied down, you can't dodge or try to 
escape, no matter how much you want to in the immediate now.

As for fetishists, they tend to have about the most repetitive and boring 
sex lives imaginable.  Oh, a girl done up entirely in corset, garters, and 
hose may look outre, but if the person is a fetishist, that's pretty much 
all they want, and they can't get off if their partner isn't wearing 
whatever it is that gets him off.  This does not lead to variety.

As for scene playing, lots of people do, lots of people don't, and I would 
guess that the percentage of people who like acting as part of their sex 
life in the BDSM community are not that much higher than the percentage who 
like it in general.  How many times have you heard of the French Housmaid 
or the Naught Nurse referenced (usually as a joke)?  It is just about 
always in reference to a heterosexual, "normal" sexual relationship.  How 
many of your friends would admit to getting off on that?  Oh, probably 
zero.  Maybe one.  How many of your friends really do that, in their 
bedroom?  You don't know and neither do I.  The thing most notable about 
the BDSM community is how much they _talk_.  Endlessly.  Part of it 
probably has to do with how much up front negotiation is necessary.  Like 
polyamoury, they have to set out very clear boundaries in places where 
"normal" people can assume an understanding.


Lydia Nickerson	lydy at demesne.com
Dulciculi Aliquorum