Dragaera

OT: Subjectivity vs. Objectivity (was: bois...)

David Dyer-Bennet dd-b at dd-b.net
Mon Aug 19 12:33:13 PDT 2002

Chris Olson - SunPS <Chrisf.Olson at Sun.COM> writes:

> > On Fri, Aug 16, 2002 at 01:29:03PM -0500, David Dyer-Bennet wrote:
> > 
> > > "ongoing emotional/sexual entanglement".  A one-night stand is not a
> > > relationship.  Being married for 20 years is a relationship.  Being
> > > engaged is a relationship even if you haven't gotten into sex yet.  So
> > > "lover" isn't right (and is still Too Much Information in many
> > > contexts), "fiancee" is wrong these days, "significant other" means
> > > close to the same thing but is longer.
> 
> I'll agree a one-night stand is not a relationship, at
> least how I think of the term.
> 
> But out of curiosity, can a friendship be a relationship,
> or do I have a relationship with a friend?  What about
> long-term dating with or without sexual entanglement?

"Relationship" has varying contextual meanings.  Certainly friendship
*is* a relationship in one sense.  So is being enemies.  But in other
contexts, which includes most contexts where you actually talk about
the relationship by name, no, you don't have "relationships" with your
friends.  It's even used for humor now and then, having somebody refer
to "his relationship with X" and have people make the assumption that
he means the "emotional/sexual entanglement" definition when he
doesn't. 

> As a person who defines myself as polyamorous, I'm
> always hard-pressed to "define" my relationships with
> others.  Are we boyfriend/girlfriend?  Lovers?  Dating?
> Casual "friends with fun-stuff on the side"?  

I've just spent the weekend at my 30th highschool class reunion
avoiding going into that.  Only one of my close friends was there, and
he either already knows or there'll be a chance to explain later.  

Around here we use "sweetie" a lot.  

> "Relationship" is vague, but it holds less stigma* than other
> words, and it's hard enough explaining multiple loving partners
> to people as it is... :)
> 
> * - May be the wrong word, but I've been told I'm a master
> malapropist, so at least I have a lame excuse...<grin>

Sorry, you got that one right :-)
-- 
David Dyer-Bennet, dd-b at dd-b.net  /  New TMDA anti-spam in test
 John Dyer-Bennet 1915-2002 Memorial Site http://john.dyer-bennet.net
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